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Apr 01 2015

Are we approaching peak stupidity?

You’ve heard about peak oil, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Increasingly concerns are being raised about the sustainability of the most important resource keeping fossil fuel industries alive: stupidity.

As environmentalist Comm. N. Sense explains: “the fossil fuel lobby relies on stupidity to keep the public electing the politicians who are allowing them to expand their mines and exports. But like any non-renewable resource, stupidity is bound to run out sooner or later. I believe the relentless increase in stupidity production we are currently observing is creating a stupidity bubble that could burst at any time. When the bubble bursts, society will wake up to the urgent threat of climate change and act at emergency speed to phase out fossil fuels.”

This would be a devastating development for the mining industry. How else might society be impacted when stupidity production peaks?

“The world as we know it will come to an end,” explained Idi O’See, an expert with a BS in stupidity. “Most people don’t realize how much we use stupidity in our everyday lives. For example, after peak stupidity the media will no longer be able to devote so much coverage to sports and celebrity news. People will stop going to church, and sales of many luxury goods could plummet. Voters will turn away from the traditional political parties and elect candidates with new ideas.”

Economists warn that climate change impacts will make it progressively harder to extract stupidity: “Just like coal mines can be put out of action by fires and floods, these extreme weather events also threaten to create at least a temporary reduction in stupidity. The mining lobby has to work ever harder after such events to return stupidity production to prior levels.”

Mining companies, on the other hand, argue that peak stupidity is a long way off. According to mining industry executive Doug A. Hole, “we are confident we will continue to discover new sources of stupidity. 25 years ago, we could only draw stupidity from a handful of lobbyists, politicians, and well-paid pseudoscientists. In recent years we’ve been able to harness the stupidity of nearly the entire right-wing half of the population, who we’ve convinced there is no crisis! Not only that, we’ve been able to con many on the left into campaigning for a stupidity trading scheme which would allow us to buy endless stupidity offsets from overseas. We’re currently researching how we might be able to draw on Bob Brown’s optimism.”

Hole laughs off the environmentalists’ belief that the current glut of stupidity merely signifies a desperate last gasp. “A few years ago, the doomsayers said the rising price of stupidity proved supply was running out. Today there’s so much stupidity around, the price is plummeting. Our only challenge now is whether Australia can outcompete other stupidity exporters like Indonesia.”

Citizens are being urged to reduce demand for stupidity by conserving it wherever possible and spending it wisely. Recently millions of people around the world turned on their brains for Intelligence Hour. This reporter spoke to one of the many Australians who participated in the event: “It was really hard work using my brain for a whole hour and I think it really shows my commitment to the cause. It was such a relief to turn my brain off again at the end of the hour.”

But cutting demand alone won’t be enough. Our entire civilization is built on error growth, with economic forces driving corporations to make more blunders each year in order to survive. Ultimately we will have to find alternate sources of justification for bad policymaking, because modern society simply can’t survive without it.

Controversy rages over whether those alternate resources should be intelligence or unconventional stupidity. Sense believes we should transition away from stupidity toward a 100% intelligent society, arguing it is the only sustainable option. But Hole argues it is unrealistic to think that intelligence can ever provide baseload governance.

The mining lobby believes the future lies in unconventional stupidity, which includes enthusiasm about coal seam gas and tar sands. The industry also promises future technologies enabling stupidity to be captured and stored underground where it poses no danger to humanity.

Sense is opposed to unconventional stupidity. “While it may be true that there are vast reservoirs of untapped stupidity, it will become increasingly difficult for the mining industry to extract that stupidity and channel it in the desired direction. But the really scary thing is what will happen if they succeed in extracting unconventional stupidity. Unconventional sources of stupidity are even stupider than conventional ones and that higher stupidity intensity will have even worse impacts on the Earth.”

But Hole remains undaunted. “Humans have always been stupid, and as our population grows we continue to increase stupidity production every year. That level of stupidity isn’t going away any time soon.”

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